Showings, cleanings, and DWDD’s

6 09 2007

      We have a second showing tomorrow.  This is a good thing: six days on the market and two showings, but I rather feel that if I have to clean the house one more time this week I shall throw myself down on the bathroom floor and have shrieking hysterics.  Normally I clean about once a month with periodic swipes at the bathroom in between times.  I’ve cleaned the house top to bottom every day this week!  And it still looks like a pigsty. 
      Donal bled all over the kitchen rug today.  I only hope it washes out.
       I am also tired of having well-meaning people call up and begin sentences with the words, “Have you thought of…”   Considering that we are jobless and stuck with a hefty mortgage payment in a town where Neal can’t work and in a bad selling market, yes!  We probably have “thought!”  I lay awake nights thinking.  I have a contingency plan for nearly everything you could imagine short of a leopard attack.  Foresight has even extended to the point that I have recently taken out a $250,000 life insurance policy in case I should perish from inhaling cleaning chemicals and leave four motherless children behind.  The next person who calls asking if I have “thought” had better be prepared to hear the phone receiver crash against the wall.  In the most loving manner possible, of course!  After all, I do realize that you’re only worried because you care…
       Kaye Graves is my realtor.  I love my realtor!  Who else would crawl under my house and brow-beat the crawlspace guy, telling him stories of lost jobs and forclosures and homeless children so he wouldn’t overcharge us?  The poor man was almost afraid to quote a price!  Also, she thinks I have good taste.  Which is incredible.  I don’t think anyone has EVER walked into my house and say, “My what a good job you do decorating!  I just love what you’ve done with the den.”  But KAYE did.  That right there would have to be worth 2% of the selling price. 

       Turned the wrong way again trying to take the kids to the pool today.  My car is apparently equipped with an auto-pilot in addition to the standard cruise control.   Any time I get to day dreaming, it just follows the car in front of me.  Or possibly the most familiar path available, as if my car navigated itself by statistics.  You can almost hear it thinking, “Statistically speaking, 85% of the time, she turns left at this light… Left?  Right?  Straight?  Hello?  Ok, no input, therefore, we will turn left.  If I’m wrong, she can always turn around when she wakes up.”  By the time my children are in driver’s ed they will have seen me make so many three-point-turns they will be able to execute one instinctively.
       You know how they say talking on the phone while driving is as dangerous as driving drunk?  I’m probably driving under the influence every time I get behind the wheel.  DWDD- Driving While Day-Dreaming.  I don’t have to talk on the phone- I talk to myself!  When Donal was younger, he used to be really worried because he thought I was talking to ghosts.  He once also, when asked to draw a picture of what God does, drew the Lord reaching out of a cloud and pointing at a map “To show Mommy where to go.”  On the plus side, if Donal ever goes down the wrong path in life, he’ll know just what to do: pray for direction and make a three-point-turn! 

      To quote Bette Middler, “If I can’t be a good example, at least I can be a horrible warning!”

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