Who Wants to Clean House?

2 07 2007

     I ran into at least three people in the last month who claim to love housework.    I didn’t think anyone on earth “loved housework!”  If you can’t think of something more fun than scraping old cheerios and milk off the floor, there must be something wrong with you.

My personal list of 10 things more fun than cleaning my kitchen (For the fun-impaired) :

1) Buying socks at Wal-Mart
2) Brushing my cat and rolling the fluff into little balls
3) Oiling door hinges
4) Laying on freshly mown grass, humming with my eyes closed and breathing deeply
5) Calling relatives I don’t like
6) Watching re-runs of The Andy Griffith Show
7) Trying to write my name with my toes (which is what we did yesterday.  Hey- my daughter started it!)
8) Scanning baby pictures on to disk
9) Cutting my kid’s fingernails
10) Almost anything else you can think of!

     I mean really!  I clean because I have to, but I would never claim it was fun.  For example, let us go on a virtual tour of my house.  It’s Monday (the day after our Sunday day-of-rest) so it’s a little worse than the usual day, though not much.
    In my bedroom several hang-to-dry dresses are heaped on the printer.  There are candy wrappers under the bed, piles of laundry and used towels on the floor, and boxes of baby photographs piled in the corner.  The trash can is overflowing.  The plant is dying of thirst.  If I could see the carpet I might know if it needed to be vacuumed.
     If you walk out in the hall, you crash into a dresser with no drawers.  The laundry hamper is buried under boxes of toys no one wants any more.  My children are (supposedly) sorting their bedrooms, so let’s not even open those doors.  A faint smell of bed wetting drifts through the hall.
     The bathroom has no walls, no floor, no sink, and no toilet.  It’s being renovated, so there are piles of power tools laying about and white drywall dust floats out from the door-less doorway. 
     We continue to be accompanied by dust as we walk down the stair well.  Don’ trip on the power cord- all the upstairs sockets don’t have electric right now.  I can’t blow-dry my hair because there isn’t a mirror in the house that you can reach from a socket.
     Someone has been canning cherry jam in the kitchen.  Sixteen pretty ruby-red jars sit on the counter next to stacks of sticky pots, knives, spoons and bowls.  The dishwashing area is filled with canning jars, rings, lids, and some dishes from dinner last night.  Most of the unwashed dishes are hanging out on the stove.  A child has left the water on, and someone broke a glass and left the vacuum in the middle of the floor.
     The downstairs hall isn’t too bad- just a few shoes and some t-ball equipment.  The living room looks rather like a library exploded.  Half the books we own are piled on the floor.  All the cushions are off the couch and someone has made a blanket tent out of the recliner and the piano bench.  But you can at least still tell that I dusted three days ago.
     The den, on the other side of the hall, is filled with piles of clean laundry, couch cushions, and children.  One child is laying on the couch upside down reading like a bat and drumming his feet on the wall.  Two are making an enourmous marble-chase track across all obstacles and circling it with a wooden railroad set.  The baby is climbing the book case and trying to put legos in the VCR.  They are watching Barney and singing along enthusiastically.  The noise hurts my head.
     Hang on… we’re almost done!   The laundry room is in good condition, but the downstairs bath has a big hole in the ceiling.  Someone has been cutting floor joists, so in addition to the all-pervaisive dry-wall dust, there is sawdust on the sink, floor, toilet and my toothbrush.  Someone has unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper and stuffed it behind the toilet.  There is shaving cream in the sink and towels on the floor in the sawdust.  The water is running here, too.  Praise God the sink was unplugged!
      Now, someone who loved housecleaning would be thrilled!  They could clean all day here, singing like Snow White, wearing a big pink apron and shaking their little feather duster out the back door.  Perhaps some little bunnies and squirrels would come inside and help them.
      I, on the other hand, came upstairs feeling faint, and logged on to blog about it.  The only bad thing about this is that I have reached the end of my post.  Now I’m in for it.




3 responses

2 07 2007

YOU ARE A RIOT!! I began reading your post in a calm state and ended feeling cluttered and disorganized. You delivered a very effective word picture 🙂 Thanks for the laughs.

2 07 2007

I loved reading your post. Especially after cleaning for 11 hours on Friday, while getting ready for my parents to come. The boys and I scrubbed the house. I am sure there were many places we missed, but we got the big stuff.

I would rather write my name with my toes too!

3 07 2007

Angela, you make me laugh – and you are definately more honest than I am… 🙂

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